Appropriate Mentor Behaviors

1. Providing a Sense of Vision. It has been said that people perish for lack of vision. Occasionally, we need help seeing the big picture, along with goals and potential positive outcomes. Mentors can influence the behavior of the cadets in a positive way. If we build expectations for success and positive outcomes, it is a powerful force in helping the cadet to succeed. Many people fail because of their own self-fulfilling prophecies of gloom and doom. Helping these individuals develop a concept of what success looks like, feels like, and tastes like often starts them on their way towards more positive outcomes.

2. Active Listening. Listening (without assuming their problem, giving them advice, or joining them in self-pity) often helps people gain emotional relief and potentially helps them to gain insight into their problem(s). This type of listening involves feeding back to them what we heard them say to clarify, understand, and provide opportunity for them to gain insight. Often, just the activity of talking things through is all they need.

3. Tactful Confrontation. Along with empathy and respect, confrontation is needed when we find it appropriate to challenge an attitude or behavior of a cadet. How we do this can make a world of difference. Criticism may often be viewed as an attack or threat. It tends to elicit retreat or defensiveness and, occasionally, counterattack from others. As part of the active listening process, confrontation should be done using “I” messages. Try to remain in a neutral role. Restate what you thought you heard, along with potential consequences for the person’s actions on him/herself or others, and the feelings or emotions you might be having about the person’s plans. We must confront and challenge the negative behavior, not the person.

For example: CADET: “I’m going to tell the cadet commander to shove it! He can’t tell me what to do. I’m a volunteer!”

MENTOR: “I hear the anger in your voice, John, and I’m concerned. That type of action could undermine your relationship with the cadet commander and could be counterproductive to your cause.”

Once he or she is confronted, it is important to listen as the cadet works through the feelings.

4. Providing Information. Many times all that the cadet needs is information. Sharing this information when needed can be productive. Control of information is often viewed as a power tactic, and fear of the unknown due to a lack of information does create stress. Sharing accurate information regularly helps the cadet to get the big picture and greatly aids in decreasing stress due to uncertainty. 5. Empowering. Often the very act of empowering a cadet¾ the delegating of authority or giving of permission ¾ is a valid form of mentoring assistance. This sends a validating type of message to the cadet that says, “I believe in your ability to handle this situation.” In other words, to encourage the development of responsibility, we have to give it and all that goes with it, good and bad. This includes the authority, as well as the consequences.

CAUTION: We should set our cadets up for success, not failure. We must ensure they are appropriately equipped to handle a potential challenge before giving it to them.

6. Encouraging. Encouragement is an art. If used appropriately, it can be one of the most powerful forms of mentor assistance. “Encourage” literally means to inspire with courage or hope. A classic illustration of this comes from the Wizard of Oz. The cowardly lion’s famous line, “What do they got that I ain’t got? Courage!” was the basis for the wizard’s miracle. He simply encouraged the lion to realize he had courage all along by awarding him a medal for bravery and valor. All of us need encouragement, and we certainly should practice it more with our cadets.